1.20
Sorry, just one post this week as I have some very dear horse friends visiting.
Even though mom was now living several states away and dad wasn't able to travel, and she knew she was safe with Brian, her brain still kept her trapped. Too much damage has been done.
Unfortunately, little is known about the brain and how it reacts and acts. A Google search will show that there are many factors that can cause dementia with stress being one of them.
I know I said she didn't have dementia and that is correct, however, over time, because of her prolonged stress and anxiety, and her brain continuing to replay memories, I believe the neurotransmitters in her brain stopped being used and eventually she did begin to forget everything else and only remembered the bad things. Your brain is very much a use it or lose it.
During the years she was with Brian, there were still some triggers, and I was one of them. Talking to me, reminded her of home and the events that happened since I was part of all the events. Every phone call, I couldn't get her to focus on anything else, she would just repeat over and over how sorry she was for everything and thank me for saving her. Every time I would tell her that's in the past, there's no need to be sorry. But she just wouldn't allow herself to think any further than that. Since talking to me brought back the memories and guilt, she would digress. Brian would have to work harder to get her to come back around and bring her back out of depression and lower her anxiety. I quickly in noticed that her conversations with me, didn't match the progress Brian had been saying she was making. She was able to remember or talk about things the way she did with Brian or her sister.
Brian never said I caused a problem when I spoke to her, until I asked about it. He said, well, yeah and explained that she would become more forgetful and more depressed. So, for mom's sake, I stopped calling. I told Brian I would let him decide if and when they would call and talk to me.
My whole life, I had spoken to my mom every single day multiple times a day. The last couple of years, I talked to her once or twice a year.
When covid hit, mom's adult day care facility had to close for a few weeks. I was working from home and Brian had an essential, major roll on a military base and couldn't work from home. We thought and hoped it would be a perfect opportunity for me to spend time with mom, I was in a different house in a different city, so we thought we'd be ok.
When I picked mom up from Brian, she understood she was just coming to visit me was for a couple of weeks to my new house in a new town. Everything was fine. We got ready for our 7-hour drive back to my house. Mom was happy and talking and then she fell asleep, which she normally did when we drove anywhere.
Unfortunately, about a half hour in, she woke up and was confused. For the first time in my life, my mom didn't know who I was. I can't tell you the emotions you will have when that happens. We were so close, beat friends. I had always felt/ hoped she would never forget me. Her only daughter. To say it's devastating and breaks your heart is an understatement.
The 7-hour trip turned into a 9-hour trip from hell. I was so thankful my niece was a long to help me. Mom still remembered her and that was our saving grace. But I felt awful that my 19-year-old niece had to witness this. She had been through something similar with her other grandmother several years earlier and now going through it again. Mom's big concern was that she improved enough that we were taking her back to Aberdeen and going to leave her there.
She would get herself so worked up, she would throw up. At one point as we turned back to come North, even though she seemed out of it, she knew we were heading North. At 80 miles an hour, she tried to open the door to get out of my truck. My niece had to hold the door handle to keep her from opening it.
When we finally got to my house, there were about 10 minutes where she knew who I was, and we hugged. She didn't remember what had just happened, the 9 hours previously. But this guy, I will keep with me forever.
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