1.14
Narcissists don't care. Doesn't matter about what I'm referring to. They are only plotting their next "event" and how they will make you comply. After all, they are smart, you are dumb, they are right, you are wrong, you can't possibly survive without them. This is how they view people, all people. I hate to say, but you are not special to them, and they will never look at you and feel empathy. They don't need to change, just you do. This is how they make their actions acceptable in the minds. They don't understand what good love is. They don't care how much they hurt you. Your pain may be necessary in their mind for your own good. If you just see things their way and comply with them, then life is good, again, just in their minds.
My dad despises me because he blames me for all of this. I've run into him once, 7 years ago. The anger and hatred he had for me were palpable. I don't say this for sympathy, I say it, so you understand how a narcissistic mind works.
You would think my dad would appreciate the fact that I let him keep his job. Since my parents worked for the same employer, just in different buildings, he would have been in violation of the temporary restraining order. Their boss called me and asked me what I wanted them to do. They would have fired my dad if I wanted. I told them no; I don't want to completely destroy him. As long as he stays in his building and away from my mom, he can keep his job. But if he violates that, then I would enforce the order. I foolishly felt bad for what he was going through and thought he would be respectful of mom's wishes. And I think he was, at first.
Luckily during mom's break from dad, I found Rebecca Rich with Rich Hearing and Tinnitus Center. She was just going to start a new program for kids with autism that would essentially help connect the neurotransmitters in their brains through audiology. This sounded exactly like what I was looking for to help mom. I approached Rebecca and told her I would like to try this on mom. She said she was willing to give it a try. I was ecstatic! I had been taking Mom to several specialists all over the Eastern half of the state trying to get some answers and help. All I got were, "Hmm. I don't know. We'll just call it dementia because that's how it acts." They would all agree it was different than dementia, but couldn't explain it, so just slapped that label on it and sent us on our way. I literally had one specialist say, what would you like? I'll prescribe you whatever drug or therapy you want, just let me know. I was shocked. This is a neuro specialist, who we drove 100 miles to go see, spent 4 hours of their testing, a couple of thousand dollars on that testing, and they had zero suggestions! I could just call the shots, whatever I wanted. This was bullshit! This was supposed to be the best in the state. And the stupid thing about it was, if I wanted to get the memory medication and occupational therapy that I had been asking all of the local doctors for, I had to first go see this doctor. All this to just say, "I don't know. What would you like me to prescribe? Name it, I'll prescribe it." My mom didn't have hardly any money, and now we were a few thousand more dollars in the hole for nothing.
Rebecca didn't blow me off. She seemed as excited as I was to try this therapy out. In the next blog, I will explain this therapy, ILS or Integrated Listening System. If you click on the words, it is a link to their website.
To all of our amazement and excitement, the 8-week therapy was working. Mom's memory was improving. When we started, she didn't know the day of the week, the date, or the year. She could no longer tell time. At 7 weeks, all that was again. Her mind was almost all the way back to normal. She was getting happier and more confident. The therapy was working! It was amazing!!
October came, and dad decided it had been long enough. First, he made a point to run into her at work. They were having a health benefit fair, and he ran up to her as she entered and kept trying to get her away from her supervisor who was trying to keep mom away from him. Then later that evening, he called mom and told her, "You must have forgot, but you said I can call you again." It was a lie. He called her a couple of times that evening before she told John. She said she would hang up on him or not answer her phone. We had one week left of her therapy.
Mom's supervisor called and told me dad had done this. Her supervisor did her best to help mom at work. I am forever grateful to them for everything they did for my mom. She had not been capable of doing her job like she once did. They didn't complain about her, they didn't ask me to make her quit, they just helped her along when they could have just let her go. Neither they nor I knew dad was capable of such selfish, evil behavior. They are to be commended for their kindness and empathy to my mom. Thank you Cindy & Larry!
Suddenly, things mom had been saying over the last couple of months made sense. Mom mentioned on a few occasions that she could have sworn she saw someone who looked just like dad in her building, but she only saw that person from the back. Or someone with the same hair and coat walked by outside, but again, she didn't see them from the front. Then my husband got off early from work one day and saw dad drive by mom's house. Dad had been stalking her, for the last couple of months, after the restraining order was lifted, he was stalking her. Mom wasn't imagining or remembering wrong, it was him!
So, when he approached her at work, and then called her that evening, her mind melted down for the final time. She not only lost all the accomplishments we made over the last two months in therapy, but she lost even more. She was now convinced she would never be able to escape him. She lived in terror that at any moment he would be there. She never again came back from this. This is where that restraining order would have saved mom. I truly believe he wouldn't have violated it. And if he did, I would have him thrown in jail. This is when I regretted that I let him keep his job. I tried to be nice. I was wrong.
That evening, dad had the nerve to call me and tell me he's ok to talk to mom again, mom wants him to. While John was blocking his number on her phone, he discovered dad called her several times that day.
I won't tell you the last conversation I had with my dad because it's mostly a full list of swear words and me telling him what I really thought of him. I remember that he tried to defend himself, but I didn't let him say much, I just yelled everything I could at him, told him to stay away from mom, and then hung up on him. He tried calling me a few more times right away, so I just blocked his number from my phone. I don't regret not speaking to him since then. If he cared about any of us, he would not have done any of those things. He made his decision.
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